Handling the Toddler and the Tantrums

By: Dr. Noel Swanson

A toddler of two can be adorable and exasperating a thousand times in a single day. So, is there a way to make this phase of your child less taxing on your nerves?

To begin with, don't be taken in by their tiny size and innocent looks. They may not know many things, but there’s one talent they are born with. They know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! And, they will go to any extent to get it – throwing a tantrum is the easiest of them all.

So, how do you deal with them? By using exactly the same principles as you would with an older child:

A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues.

B. Secondly, avoid ambiguity. Give clear instructions in plain words. Don’t insinuate or taunt. Your child will most likely not understand what you mean. Make your point and leave it at that; don’t rub it in.

C. However, make sure you do as you have said.

D. Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a "manners chair"? Here is how it works:

First get a small child's chair and put it in a corner somewhere, facing into the room. If they fail to do as they are told (after you have said what you mean and meant what you said - my book will help you with that) then you send them to the chair with words to the effect of: "Oh dear, you seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again."

Once they have found their manners - as evidenced by compliance or better behavior or them telling you so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them. Especially if they are fussing or whining.

Some children are very sensitive. So, instead of making it sound like a punishment, you can make it light and playful by offering to help your child to find his manners again. Look under the chair, or in his pockets, or even in the shoes. This is a smart way of taking their attention away from whining to a more positive attitude. This also saves you the need to shout and be heard. Most children find the manners quite quickly.

After this little game, you can bring them back to the instruction you had earlier given and get that done whether it is finishing the meal or apologizing to the sister for thumping her!

If he reverts to bad behavior again, then it is important to let him revisit the incident. And, if he still refuses to apologize, then it’s clear he didn't find his manners, and needs to go back to the manners chair and have another look.

There is a danger that this in itself can become too much of a game for them since they get a lot of attention from you when you are helping them to find their manners. You will need to strike the right balance between "time-out" ie ignoring them, and a bit of assistance (since they are young, and this is all new to them).

This will help you in more ways than one. You won’t start yelling and losing your temper, which only exposes your weakness to them. And, it helps to put an end to inappropriate behavior. Make sure you remain calm and positive. Let the child feel that you care a lot but there are certain things not admissible, and such acts of misbehavior are an aberration that can be easily corrected to get back to normal life.

Now, what about when you are out in public? The key there, as everywhere else, is that you have to mean what you say, say what you mean, and follow up with action.

So, how do you time out in public? Three options: 1. Sit them down in the aisle and do a kind of "manners chair" in which no one is going anywhere else until he has found his manners.

2. Take him out and do the ‘manners chair’ in the car. You can stay out and look away while he tries to find his manners. Don’t shout and scream and don’t lose patience. Above all, don’t get into a discussion till the manners have been found.

3. Abandon the shopping trip and go home and do the time out there.

The good news is that you will not have to do this too often. Children are quick to learn provided you are firm and consistent. Just remember to stay calm and in control. Losing your temper will only make matters worse.

All this is based on the foundational principles in my book, which can help you handle your toddler positively and pleasantly and save you the guilt of losing it once again.

Article Source: http://www.yesparenting.com/articles

Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behavior problems. He has a fascinating website with lots of expert parenting advice that is worth visiting. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting Don't reprint the same version as everyone else. Get your own unique content parenting article here.

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