The Seven Stages of Parenthood

By: Dr. Noel Swanson

Stage 1: The Desire and the Longing

The first stage of parenthood begins when the desire for having a baby is born in the heart of one or both the parents. In most cases, it is the woman whose maternal instinct begins to assert itself. Women don’t feel complete until they become mothers. So, when the biological clock starts ticking, you decide to take the step of ‘making babies.’

Phase 2: Heavy with Child

As a woman you know when you have conceived for sure. And, it’s soon confirmed by morning sickness, moodiness and many times with biological changes you never believed could ever happen to you. But, it is all worth it when you feel that first flutter inside your belly. The thought of a life growing within you is awesome.

After some time you get used to those kicks that become more frequent by the day. There are times when the sheer physicality of it bogs you down. The backache, the swollen ankles and varicose veins make you wonder why you got into it in the first place.

Then comes the D-Day! You had been preparing for it for nine months yet the severity of it hits you unawares. You flinch, twitch and scream your guts out. You swear you will never let this happen to you again. Suddenly, it’s over and an entirely new feeling envelopes you. You are on top of the world! A complete being has come through you!

Stage 3: The Novelty of Everything

The first few days are frenzy. You lose count of time in the midst of sleepless nights, sore nipples, and dieting to lose all that extra weight. But that angelic smile from your baby makes it worth it. You discover her afresh every day. She is more interesting than anything you have experienced so far.

First time: sitting, crawling, standing, walking. First word, First solid food. First potty. First full blown, lie-on-the-floor-and-kick-the-feet tantrum. Each a major achievement to celebrate.

Nursery rhymes and pat-a-cake - crucial for child development but, all too often these days, delegated to the TV.

The time to go to school comes with mixed feeling. While you look forward to spend some time with your self and reclaim your life, you are paranoid about letting her out of sight.

Phase 4 Playgrounds, parties and alphabets.

Then your cuddly baby gets busy with friends in the school. What the teacher and friends say is gospel truth.

This is also the time when they enjoy cracking jokes with each other.

Their first best friend, and first rejection. Scraped knees in the playground. And, of course, their first "it's not fair!"

How hard it is to let them go - but you can't protect them from everything.

Act 5: The Three R’s

Time to put the play aside for a moment. There's letters and sums to learn. For some, it is just a walk in the park, for others it is climbing Everest. It is at this time that the differences between children become apparent. Those with easy kids can't see what all the fuss is about, yet for others it is the beginnings of years of stress, worry, tears and heartache.

But, there are some things that become lifelong memories for all parents because each child is unique. Yet, each child is like all others when it comes to certain things like losing teeth or wanting Christmas presents for instance.

This is the time to teach discipline to your child because he is no longer a little baby.

Stage 6 – On the Eve of Adolescence

Now, the difference between girls and boys becomes apparent. They all go through the phase of discovering changes in their body yet girls will be giggly and boys more cool.

Clothes. You are just SO out of date mom! No one wears that anymore! And why should it matter if my pants are hanging down by my knees? Mom, these clothes are too small!

Language. Well cool.

You help your little girl try on her first bra, and handle her first period. You allow her to choose her lipstick and do her make up. You help your son go through the stage of awkward limbs and a squeaky voice that breaks. You help him choose the anti-antiperspirant and shaving kit.

Phase 7 - "Kevin goes Large"

Suddenly boys and girls are not so alien after all. Does (s)he fancy me?

Before you know where the time went you will see your little girl telling you that you know nothing. Indeed, you seem to live in a different world in an era long past.

It’s friends who matter and your relevance takes the back seat. There will be conflict of opinion; don’t lose your cool. And, above all, don’t recount what you’ve done for her. Be patient and pleasant. Be firm but try and understand her point of view and help her deal with peer pressure.

The good thing is that now your child is a new young adult and you can have a refreshing conversation with her. Make sure you don’t sermonize.

Then, one day, the fireworks settle. The grunts turn into English again and like a phoenix from the ashes, and new (adult) human emerges - full of ideals and dreams and visions, but perhaps a bit short on confidence and wisdom.

Epilogue: Go, Went, Gone

One day, they will leave home! You need to prepare yourself for that day more than them. However, you love them just as much and you miss them.

Robert Munsch has put it rightly: "I'll love you, forever. I'll like you, for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be" -

The moral of the story is that make the most of the years of parenthood; they will pass too quickly.

Article Source: http://www.yesparenting.com/articles

Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free expert parenting tips - just sign up for his newsletter and get a free chapter of his book, The GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a parenting forum. Get your own completely unique content version of this article.

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