Getting Your Child to Go to Bed

By: Dr. Noel Swanson

It is often difficult to get your child to go to bed for two reasons. One, the child is in no mood to give up the activity and go to the quiet lonely bedroom and be deprived of the fun. Secondly, by the end of the day you are so tired that you long for some quiet moments all to yourself. Both of you are justified and that is where the clash of interest begins. The result is your child throws up a tantrum or comes up with some demand or the other that can postpone bedtime.

One out of three children just refuses to go to bed before their parents!

If you are one of the parents of such children for whom getting your child to go to bed is an arduous task, here are some tips that can help:

You can start by assessing how much sleep your child needs. While most children below the age of 12 require about 10 to 12 hours sleep there are kids that need much less. Basically, younger children need more sleep and it goes on decreasing as they grow. If your child actually needs less sleep than what you are imposing on him, you are fighting a losing battle. Remember, you cannot force sleep on anyone. If you can’t sleep if you are not sleepy, how can you expect your child to fall asleep at your command? Your child functions very well on just 6 or 8 hours sleep. So be it! There is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to.

Once you have established a reasonably bedtime, you then need to decide that you are going to stick to it! Kids will exploit any weakness. If they see a chance to manipulate you into giving them an extra hour they will use any and every tactic they can think of to wrangle that from you: they will ask for a drink, say they are scared, need to pee, ask a question, anything, in fact, that might get you to feel guilty or sorry for them so that they can either stay up later, get more attention, or get to sleep in your bed. Don't give in.

Once you have established the rules, you must implement them. Make a bedtime routine. It is very important, especially for the younger ones. As I said earlier, you cannot force sleep, but you can create a situation when sleep comes automatically. Follow the same bedtime routine day after day, and start well before the target bedtime leading them through the various steps, such as getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story and switching off the lights. It pays to give them your full attention during this routine; they feel comfortable and secure.

Finally, put the lights out, whether they are asleep or not. Be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Some children can’t sleep in the dark room; so leave the door open or a night-light for them. If your child likes music, you could put on some gentle, soothing music too.

The real challenge for parents is when the child gets out of bed after all that or calls for your attention. If the reason is genuine, attend to it without giving much attention otherwise he will use this excuse more often.

One way to do this is by setting a timer and telling them that you will be up to check on them in one, two, five, ten, minutes - PROVIDED THEY STAY IN BED UNTIL THEN! Start small and then gradually increase the time. When you do check on them, praise them for staying in bed quietly, and don't overdo your presence. All you want to do is to quietly come in, tuck them up again, give them a kiss, and leave.

If the child takes very long to sleep you may have to repeat this routine twice or thrice till he falls asleep. You can go on increasing the intervals till he is asleep. In the beginning it will involve a lot of work, but if you do this consistently then they will learn to stay in bed and it will become part of the daily routine.

Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy.

If your child gets up before your next check, you can do the following:

Send him firmly back to bed. No need to shout or get angry, just let it be known that you mean business. Tell him you will come up again but after ten minutes, which will be counted from the beginning. Make your point clear and then ignore him until the time for your next check.

Finally, remember to reward them for success in staying nicely in bed. A star chart or similar works well for this.

Article Source: http://www.yesparenting.com/articles

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting tips and advice on his website - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum? Don't reprint this article. Instead, reprint a free unique content version of this same articl

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