We can't get a good sleep until we are relaxed. A few things must happen before we get there. We need to feel secure and safe. Any kind of tension, such as abuse, parents arguing, financial problems, trouble with the neighbors, or problems with school or friends, will make it harder for any child to go to sleep.

It's also important to feel secure and safe in our own beds. There are children with sensory integration problems. This might manifest as touch sensitivity, proprioception, which means body positions sense, or gravitational insecurity might make lying on a high bed frightening. Sometimes covering the child with heavy blankest helps them to feel grounded.

When we get into bed it's time to forget about the day's business, shut out environmental distractions, and slow our heart rate and metabolism. As our bodies start to drift, so do our brains. During the day, brain waves might run at 14 Hertz (cycles per second) or more. When they start to slow down, they first go into an "alpha" rhythm (about 10 Hz), and then gradually go into the deep sleep rhythm, called "delta", about 4-7 Hz.

Setting up the environment in the right way can go a long way toward helping us relax. So will keeping to a regular routine. The body gets used to it and knows when it's time to slow down and get ready to sleep. Here are a few ideas:

Soak in a warm tub and drink some warm milk. The bath relaxes our bodies, allowing the metabolism to slow down. It doesn't have to stay active and generate heat. Muscles relax when they are warm. The warm milk contains Tryptophan. This is an amino acid which acts as a natural sedative. Stay away from caffeinated drinks like Coke, tea or coffee. Don't engage in activities which will wind you up or frustrate you. Keep the kids away from the frustrations of homework or the activity of the Gameboy.

A nice bedtime story is very calming. It focuses away from daily anxieties and provides special child-parent time. Feeling loved and valued lets the child feel more safe and secure. If you wish, you might play a taped story after you read to him. Pick a soothing story and turn out the lights so he can listen with his eyes closed.

Soft, relaxing music is good. We can't close our ears against the noises from our environment. These can easily wake us up and heighten our stress. Especially disturbing are barking dogs, howling foxes or heavy lorries driving by. At least we can modify the sounds. Make the room as quiet as you can by using heavy curtains, double glazed windows, and close all the doors.

We can also play sounds that will help cover the disturbing noises and help us relax. White noise is good for drowning out the lorries and dogs. Turning on a fan or humidifier will produce that. A quiet radio in the background can also be good. You must be careful as these sounds can actually be more arousing and stressful than relaxing. This is due to the pitch and the beat. The higher frequencies energize us and the lower ones help us to relax. White noise and most radio music is high frequency. Having a cheap system with a poor bass response only makes it worse. Most popular music has a faster beat, and we like to keep time with the catchy beat. We call this "entertainment" and say that our bodies like to align with the rhythms surrounding us. Unfortunately, our heart rates mirror this behavior, and listening to a fast beat will speed it up. If we choose slow, quiet music, it will slow down.

For sleep, we need to listen to low pitched sounds with a slow rhythm. We should try for a beat of 50 to 60 Hz, the rate or our resting hearts. Where do we find these sounds? Some classical music and some nature sounds qualify. I recommend recordings made specially for relaxation. Some of the best are made by Steven Halpern. The Sound Health Series CDs, called "Relax" and "De-Stress" are great. Play them quietly as background noise to drown out the dogs and to create a peaceful environment in the child's bedroom. If he wakes often during the night, consider playing continuous-play CD.

Our bodies are also greatly affected by light and colour. Supermarkets and football teams are well aware of this. The stores use blue/green tinted bulbs in their produce sections to make the vegetables appear greener and fresher. They use red tinged lights at the meat counters. They use these techniques subtly but effectively. They also are particular when designing product packaging, so that you will be stimulated to buy. They keep the lights bright and the "muzak" playing. They do this so you will feel happy and right at home, causing you to stay longer and spend more. Think about this in relation to some of the dingier shops, and you will understand their strategy. Sometimes football clubs will paint the home team changing rooms in red, to spur the players to action; and the visiting team's room blue, which is calming.

Muted tones of blue, green and pink are often used in bedrooms. Blue is serene, green for harmony and peace, and pink is all warmth and coziness. Be careful of the blues and greens though, as they can make an atmosphere feel cold. Bright reds and yellows will fire us up and make it hard to sleep. Even though these effects are subtle and unconscious, they are very real.

Lighting also makes a big difference. Obviously, bright lights wake us up, as do cold or bluish tinged lights, such as fluorescent. This mimics early morning sun. Twilight consists of warm reds and oranges. That means light from a dim bulb, candle, oil lamp, or fire, is more likely to help us sleep. If you include pink furnishings and slow, soft music and the sounds of waves lapping at the beach, you will have a winning combination.

The other relaxing aspect of flames is that they flicker. Typically they flicker at 6-7 Hz. This produces the relaxed state of "theta wave" activity in the brain.

How do we get around not putting a candle, oil light or open fire in a child's bedroom? One way is to use electric bulbs that flicker. There are also fiber optic lamps available that create a low level light, changing from one colour to another. The slow, gentle changes are relaxing, assuming that they aren't too bright. Some children like to sleep in a completely dark room. This is when the thick curtains will come in handy to screen out late night and early morning summer sun.

Our most primitive sense is smell. Think of the times you've sniffed the briefest whiff of something that takes you right back to old memories and emotions. Since they affect our emotional state, some smells can help us sleep. The essential oils of mandarin, chamomile roman, lavender and palma rosa are recommended. If you have children older than five, use neroli, geranium and nutmeg in addition. A mixture of mandarin, chamomile and palma rosa or a mixture of chamomile, geranium and nutmeg are especially good. Put the oils in bath water, or rub it on skin with massage oil. You can even put it in the humidifier water. Remember to use moderately. Your goal is subtlety rather than an overpowering smell.

We often close our windows in winter and leave the heat on. This cuts down on outside noises, but also keeps out fresh air. The heat dries out the air as well, in turn drying out our nasal passages. When we have stuffy noses and air, we will usually sleep poorly. Even opening the window a crack will help.

There are three ways to improve humidity. Turn the heat down and use more blankets. Remember, this can also help a child feel grounded. Add some moisture to the air with a humidifier or drape a wet flannel over the radiator. The humidifier will create white noise as well. If you put a drop or two of essential oil in the water or on the flannel, you will also create a pleasing aroma.

Most people awaken or come close to it, several times throughout the night. The hard part can be falling back to sleep. If you are using the above ideas, they will help. It's also important not to reinforce a pattern of behaviour, so if your child wakes up don't give him attention. Babies and young children might cry or make other noises, but try to just wait them out. Usually they will go back to sleep on their own. If you usually rush in to them, it will take them time to adjust to being ignored. Soon the period of wakefulness will shorten.

There must be millions of ways to help your child sleep. Experiment until you find what works best in your home. What about you, the parent? How often are you exhausted and long for sleep? Do you find yourself wishing for a nap before the kids come home? You might be stuck in a nineteenth century myth about sleep. Look at this website to find out some things about sleep that will amaze you, and change your life.

I wish you peaceful nights and happy dreams.